Why do Japanese talk so much about marriage ?

[Maciamo]

My friend in Chiba, however--her sister is getting married in January, and they're all flying to Guam for the ceremony. I do, in a very big way, envy that. Which, I guess is sort of the point of it.

I wouldn't even want to go to Guam. That's just a beachy island in the middle of nowhere. We went on "honeymoon" to Hawaii because my wife really insisted, but she was disappointed (of course, having travelled extensively around Europe and India with me before) and it was just as I thought, Nothing much. I would have liked to visit at least the Big Island, but the flight from Honolulu from as expensive as the flight from Tokyo to Honolulu ! Anyway, I can't understand how so many people want to have their wedding in such a boring and ordinary place as Hawaii - let alone Guam ! That seems like anti-status to me ! If you want a nice honeymoon or wedding party, go to Italy or the French Riviera in May, June or September.

But isn't this the case in other countries as well? In Finland people rent a place for the reception because no one's house is big enough to host the entire family!

Well in my family (quite big, lots of cousins), weddings are almost always at the bride or groom's parents house. Weddings are usually held in late Spring or Summer so that the tables can be installed in the garden (AmE = backyard) and people have more space to move around. But if the weather doesn't allow, it's inside. Of course, not everybody invites 100 people (that depends on how big one's house is), but some do.

In Finland it would be considered be a bit thoughtless, maybe, to give money because it doesn't show any personal touch to your gift.

Same in about all Western countries. There is usually a weddig list rather than money, and the price of the presents depends on one's financial capabilities. In Japan, everybody must give money and there is usually no discount, even for family and friends. They actually pay most of the wedding expenses from that money. Some managed to make a profit, but others have to pocket out the rest if they didn't have enough guest to reimburse the wedding dress(es), food, fake priest and reception room. That is also why Japanese weddings are hardly a matter of one's own status, but of your guests' status or generosity. If you set the price per person at 100,000yen, and managed to get 50 or 100 guests who are rich enough to pay that for your wedding, then you can have a perfectly lavish wedding and end up richer than you were before. That is certainly not what I call "status" (well not your own).

I hope that Japanese are aware of this. Those who aren't are really superficial and just fool themselves on fake status. For those who understand that, why would they like to pressure their family, friends and colleagues to pay for an expensive wedding party ? Isn't it taking advantage of their kindness ? In other words, people having lavish weddings are only those who do not care about their friends and relatives. Or is it just because they know their friends will do the same to them and they try to get as much as they can in "advance compensation" (then the others do it to get their due back). What a vicious circle ! And the Japanese to whom I talked about this seemed to agree that they'd be better off without such a system - but they don't know any other system and annot change it by themselves, if the whole country does not follow. Poor them !

It is also unacceptable not to go to the wedding of someone who came to your wedding, if you want to keep them as friends. Now I understand why they plan it so long in advance. They want to be sure that as many people as possible can come and avoid absolutely that their friends already have another wedding at the same date, which is the only good excuse not to come to yours. Once they have estimated how many people will come, they can calculate the approximate revenue and decide the venue, or at least food and dress after that. Or the other way round. If you want a very lavish wedding, you try to invite as many people as possible (esp. among colleagues and bosses, as the family has clear limits) and raise the "admission fee" to cover the cost. Usually it is a solution in between, i.e. try to see what is the maximum guest are ready to pay for the max. number of people (knowing that the higher the price and the less people come) and calculate the most economically advantageous solution from that point. Japanese love this kind of careful planning and calculations.

[kirei_na_me]

We went on "honeymoon" to Hawaii because my wife really insisted, but she was disappointed (of course, having travelled extensively around Europe and India with me before) and it was just as I thought, Nothing much. I would have liked to visit at least the Big Island, but the flight from Honolulu from as expensive as the flight from Tokyo to Honolulu ! Anyway, I can't understand how so many people want to have their wedding in such a boring and ordinary place as Hawaii - let alone Guam ! That seems like anti-status to me ! If you want a nice honeymoon or wedding party, go to Italy or the French Riviera in May, June or September.

I definitely agree with you about that! I would've never even considered going to Hawaii on my honeymoon, just because every other newlywed Japanese couple goes there. I don't like doing anything that everybody else is doing.

One of my husband's co-workers took his wife there on their honeymoon just because it was cheap. She wanted to go to Tahiti, but he told my husband that he was going to gloss over Hawaii and make it sound even better than Tahiti to her so he could get off not having to pay much.

My husband took me to Paris for 2 weeks. He didn't skimp on one thing. He splurged and we pretty much lived like royalty for those days.