# Member Lounge > Miscellaneous >  Love & Money

## Maciamo

Do you think that love and money are related, or completely different things ?

Personally, I can't see any connection. I can't understand how so many girls think that a man can show them that they love them by buying them clothes, jewelry, paying for restaurants or whatever. I only have one word for girls who value material possessions and money, and cannot stay with a boyfiend/husband if they don't follow financially : "prostitute" (even dedicated to only one man - just career instead of freelance  :Okashii:  ). 

*A female problem ?*

Interestingly, it is normally women who expect men to give them presents, rather than the opposite. I can't think of many men who would complain or feel "unloved" for never receiving presents. _Affection, trust, emotions, good relationship or mutual attraction is what really defines "love"_. If all of these are present, people can be said to "love" each other. Money cannot buy "love". This would just be a superficial feeling ("fake love") that would disappear when there is no more money.

Presents can make someone happy, but there is no need to be in an exclusive, "love" relationship for that. Parents give children presents, and so do friends or other family members. Presents (or omiyage  :Poh: ) are give to colleagues, and business people invite their customers to restaurants. Money can help build first contact, or show one's favour, but cannot buy or sustain love.

*Love & friendship*

I also don't think that personality, culture or personal interests have anything to do with love. It can help building a first contact, but does not define love itself. I mean, as long as their is a mutual attraction, affection, trust, etc., love exist, even if the couple has nothing else in common.

Personality and interests are good to make and keep friends, but love and friendship are just as different as chalk and cheese.

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## kirei_na_me

Well, I surely don't think money=love. I think to a lot of people, money does equal security, though, and sometimes people can get that confused with love. 

I'd much rather have straight up affection without the material things than have plenty of material things and no affection. I've really come to understand the importance of that in the past several years.

I agree with you about the love and friendship too. I think for a romantically involved couple, though, it can sometimes help to have some shared interests.

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## Rachel

I agree with kirei, moneys nice but it will never be a substitute for love and affection.
If a partner thought they had to keep spending money on me to keep me happy, then they wouldn't be the right partner for me.

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## Uncle Frank

ruin love & marriage (close relationships). Not being able to pay bills and purchase what you need & what others have can really stress out anyones emotions! Not being able to give your loved one THINGS can make you feel inadeaquate and not deserving of them. I think the number one cause of divorce is money problems of some kind.

Frank

 :Doubt:

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## Elizabeth

I also agree certainly compatible personality and interests are not a priority for everyone. Millions of couples are perfectly content to only make small talk about their pets, friends neighborhood goings-on, kids if they have any, the weather etc. 

But as everyone has alluded to so far, having similar values and fundamental beliefs about how people should be treated, how to deal with money, raise children, the importance of loyalty/monogamy are absolutely crucial factors for a good marriage, and some of these even for lovers as well.  :Note:

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## playaa

Affection over money any day. But I think alot of times like it was said becomes confused with security and lose the meaning of love.  :Sad:

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## Winter

Money is more important in my life.

And its not so much the money, its the pursuit of it.

Love involves people, and people arent very kosher.

My passion in life is business. Working people from the inside; gaining alliances; overtaking small companies; *thats* what I live for.

Love ends. Its pretty much a waste of time and energy.

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## Maciamo

> Affection over money any day. But I think alot of times like it was said becomes confused with security and lose the meaning of love.


Exactly ! And why do so many women worry so much about (financial) security ? I mean, even broke, almost any Westerners could live in India for several years just living off hotels and restaurants, as one can live on 100US$/month. I mean, in some countries in Europe you can get 200$/month in social security if you don't have a job (with no time limit, as long as they don't find you a job). What is there to worry about ? Living in India during one year under European social security, you can save about 1200$. The only problem is that it is almost technically impossible, as people need to go and sign every week to get the dole.

Now, I am wondering if the women who worry about money aren't more the Japanese or American ones, which would be explain by the absence of proper social security in these countries. Or as Giles Murry in "All you wanted to know about the UK" has it when he talks about the difference between British and American people (don't forget that Brits like self-derision) : 


> There is one area where the absence of vigor in the British may be a good thing. It is the field of money-making and material success. Americans are terrified of poverty, because poverty in America is drugs, guns and danger. Fear - a negative motivation - drives them to work hard. The British, by contrast, are unambitious and lazy because they have nothing much to be afraid of.


He was of course referring to the British system of social security, free health care, free education and even free government housing for those who need it. But, as he implies, that does not encourage economical growth, although the British economy has being doing quite well (5% unemployement and higher GDP/capita) in recent years.

Could a political system have a major influence on people's love life ?

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## Dream Time

Madonna

Material Girl

Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me
I think they're O.K.
If they don't give me proper credit
I just walk away

They can beg and they can plead
But they can't see the light, that's right
'Cause the boy with the cold hard cash
Is always Mister Right, 'cause we are

Chorus:

Living in a material world
And I am a material girl
You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl

Some boys romance, some boys slow dance
That's all right with me
If they can't raise my interest then I
Have to let them be

Some boys try and some boys lie but
I don't let them play
Only boys that save their pennies
Make my rainy day, 'cause they are

(chorus)

Living in a material world [material]
Living in a material world
(repeat)

Boys may come and boys may go
And that's all right you see
Experience has made me rich
And now they're after me, 'cause everybody's

(chorus)

A material, a material, a material, a material world

Living in a material world [material]
Living in a material world
(repeat and fade)

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## Flashjeff

Love is unpredictable, money is static. You can work your *** off to make a relationship work, and yet it can still fail. Meanwhile, if you work hard every day to make money, it'll always be there for you. But, that's just my opinion, take it with a grain of salt.

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## mad pierrot

Such as in brotherhoods, friendships, affections, etc.

People who love you can lend you money. Money can't do anything for you, as it is inanimate. From a selfish point of view, I'd rather have lots of connections than a lifeless pile of cash. And hey, you need _something_ to grease the wheels in human relationships.

I think you can *love something* like an addict loves, but what's more important than that is _something that loves._ So, you can love stuff but stuff will never love you.

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## Flashjeff

Perhaps you're right. I guess that fear of failure, compounded by cynicism about relationships produced the viewpoint I exposed.

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## mad pierrot

Afterall, money can't betray anyone, but people can.
I guess it comes down to who you trust more, yourself or others...

I _try_ to trust others as much as I trust myself.

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## sadakoyamamura

> ruin love & marriage (close relationships). Not being able to pay bills and purchase what you need & what others have can really stress out anyones emotions! Not being able to give your loved one THINGS can make you feel inadeaquate and not deserving of them. I think the number one cause of divorce is money problems of some kind.
> 
> Frank


I agree, money issues causes arguments to pile up. I don't expect my man to give me presents but if he does it's a welcome thing... Money can never be a substitute to the warmth that love brings to your life. I do want my man to be financially stable because I don't want him to live off me and be insecure all his life because I earn more than he does or something. That sort of thing happened to a friend of mine, they separated because of money issues she was earning more than him and in my place there are guys who believe that females should only be subordinates. Yukk!  :Smiling:

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## nekosasori

> I can't understand how so many girls think that a man can show them that they love them by buying them clothes, jewelry, paying for restaurants or whatever.


While I'm not actually one of those "girls", I'll venture a guess and say that it's the act of thoughtfulness and the willingness to part with something that was presumably hard-earned (through work) that is probably what convinces these people (not just "girls", I might add) that their partners care about them. 

As was already mentioned, it's a totally different matter to not have enough money to cover the costs of living, wherever one happens to be. Ireland is bloody expensive (I'll refrain from digressing into a rant about that here, however) and my husband, much as I love him, has been financially dependent on me for years now (since the dot com bubble burst, in fact). Does that diminish his love or my perception of his love for me? Not at all. But it DOES put a daily strain on living, and of course my parents are happy to find something that worrisome to criticize about (and to urge me to divorce him.. but that's another long story, including the fact that they've never met their son in law). 

I agree that love can't be bought or sustained by goods, but it can't be coerced by words or actions either - the person doing the loving works at it (consciously or not), and while positive acts and good communication makes this work a lot easier, many people choose to continue loving others out of many reasons that are internally motivated. Even if my parents started to profess their caring about me daily (and in fact, I already believe they love me very much), or trying to lend me money since I've been living in relatively dire straits for years, it wouldn't affect how much I love them back. What _does_ keep me caring about them is 義理人情, not any natural compatibility.

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## Buddha Smoker

Ohhh, good question, I'm thinking how I want to guage my answer.  :Doubt:  I think yes and no.

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