Are Japanese more hypocritical with foreigners ?

[PopCulturePooka]

Can't you understand and accept that the Japanese will always flatter you with your use of chopsticks, or the fact that you eat sushi, or sleep on a futon, or can speak Japanese and read kanji? They are genuinely impressed because most foreigners DON"T or CAN'T.

Oh bollocks!

I have met scads of westerners that use chopsticks. My 70 year old quite conservative grandmother can use chopsticks.
Almost every foreigner in Japan I've met eats Sushi and can sleep on a single matress on the floor.
Its plain ignorance to be shocked, amazed or even complimentry to assume we can't. In fact its downright insulting, its an assumption that we aren't as good as them in some respects.

And in terms of language, my father has been here two days and can say 'sumimasen'. Yet for some Japanese that would be enough for them to start laying on the over done compliments about how good his Japanese is.

Its patronising.

Anyway I have a tale I've told before.

Being a poor eigo sensei living alone I hit the local Lawsons konbini for my dinner bento about two or three times a week. During holidays I go more than that. Have done this for a year. Heck even had a friendly chat or two with one of the young guys there and tried to get the number of one of the girls.

So theres an older women who works there most nights.
She serves me a lot.
And EVERY time she serves me, she wont speak a word except to ask if I want it heated and EVERY time she uses gestures to ask if I want a fork, and EVERY time I ask that I instead want chopsticks (in Japanese).
This dance has been danced for a year. I'm a fairly obvious gaijin with big punk spiked hair and occasionally flashy clothes.

Yet she always asks if I want a fork.

Stupdity.

When I worked high volume retail I served scads more customers than she would and managed to remember regular customers and some small facts about them.

[Maciamo]

I have met scads of westerners that use chopsticks. My 70 year old quite conservative grandmother can use chopsticks.
Almost every foreigner in Japan I've met eats Sushi and can sleep on a single matress on the floor.
Its plain ignorance to be shocked, amazed or even complimentry to assume we can't. In fact its downright insulting, its an assumption that we aren't as good as them in some respects.

Same for me. I don't know anyone who has lived in Japan and still can't use chopsticks.

And in terms of language, my father has been here two days and can say 'sumimasen'. Yet for some Japanese that would be enough for them to start laying on the over done compliments about how good his Japanese is.

It's only natural. I learnt hiragana and katakana in a week.

So theres an older women who works there most nights.
She serves me a lot.
And EVERY time she serves me, she wont speak a word except to ask if I want it heated and EVERY time she uses gestures to ask if I want a fork, and EVERY time I ask that I instead want chopsticks (in Japanese).

I know. Same with me, and not only at combini. Even at the dry cleaning, local cafes, etc.

[Bramicus]

So theres an older women who works there most nights. And EVERY time she serves me, she wont speak a word except to ask if I want it heated and EVERY time she uses gestures to ask if I want a fork ... I'm a fairly obvious gaijin with big punk spiked hair and occasionally flashy clothes.

Yikes! If you look like that I don't think I'd want to talk to you either! And I'd also wonder if you were going to eat with a fork -- instead of with your hands!

Okay, so I'm just kidding. But seriously, if you look that different, is it that surprising that you are treated differently? You might be treated differently in many parts of western countries as well.

[PopCulturePooka]

Yikes! If you look like that I don't think I'd want to talk to you either! And I'd also wonder if you were going to eat with a fork -- instead of with your hands!

There was a sexy lil punk girl with flaming red hair (which then went to half black half red) who worked there. A few of the guys who worked there also had wild hair.
A good lot of the time I went there with undne hair. Basically just flat down or parted in the middle.
Occasionally in my work clothes (suit and tie).
No matter what the dumb old broad would offer a fork.

Okay, so I'm just kidding. But seriously, if you look that different, is it that surprising that you are treated differently? You might be treated differently in many parts of western countries as well.

Sounds like you advocate piss-poor customer service to those who look different.

[Bramicus]

Sounds like you advocate piss-poor customer service to those who look different.

C'mon, you know better. I'm not advocating bad service based on appearance; I'm just saying that the phenomenon you're complaining about may be about appearance, something that could happen to you in other countries of the world as well -- including Western countries -- and not be merely the consequence of your being a foreigner in Japan.

[PopCulturePooka]

C'mon, you know better. I'm not advocating bad service based on appearance; I'm just saying that the phenomenon you're complaining about may be about appearance, something that could happen to you in other countries of the world as well -- including Western countries -- and not be merely the consequence of your being a foreigner in Japan.

I never had any trouble about my hair in other shops anywhere else.
heck I took that hair style to work. To NOVA. Where I taught old housewives and salarymen.

She would also never understand her when I asked for cigarettes in Japanese. Always a dumb blank look. Yet I was a master at buying smokes. Every other shop assistant evrywhere else knew what I asked straight up. Just her. Even in that shop the other assitants knew exactly the first time I asked.
She was, by all natural semblance... a twit.

[Pachipro]

I don't know Maciamo, I followed the links to his site and it does seem that he indeed wrote it, but like I said, that site, although still active, has not been updated since May 2002. He supposidly returned to Japan at that time. Regardless, his theory does seem valid to me.

[Pachipro]

I live here in the South also. Nashville, TN. We had a friend over last weekend and were watching the football game on TV. This friend asks my wife if they have football in Japan. He then asks if they have baseball and other such sports! This guy is not uneducated, but why ask a question like that? It just shows one's ignorance. I challenge anyone to ask your average American to point out Japan on a blank map and more than two thirds will be unable to do so. Granted not ALL americans feel or think the way I replied above, but quite a few of them, and I do mean the younger ones do. One of my nephews and a couple of aquaintences thought that Sony and Panasonic were American companies. Call themm dumb if you want, but they have a college degree! Apparently the educational instutions are lacking somewhat. Meet enough people and you will come across those that don't know some of the things I listed. Maybe I've travelled too much and met too many people as a truck driver, I don't know. But more than a few Americans are pretty ignorant when it comes to foreign countries and products. Same as in Japan.

[Maciamo]

Call them dumb if you want, but they have a college degree! Apparently the educational instutions are lacking somewhat.

A college degree is not what makes a person intelligent. There are plenty of dumb people with a college degree (and some who don't but are intelligent). I guess anybody motivated and hard-working enough can get a college degree if they tried.

Japanese acyually understand that a degree is just a worthless piece of paper. When a company recruits, they don't look at how well people performed at university/college, nor even what they have studied. What matters most is the name of the university/college, which is often in turn linked to the primary and secondary one has studied at (eg. entering Keio primary school almost guarantees you to enter and graduate from the prestigious Keio University). And what does determine who enters such elite schools first ? Money ! Japanese often claimed to be a class-less society, but it's so similar to the elitist "public schools & Oxbridge" system in the UK. Americans also often think they don't have social classes, which I never understood as the social-economic differences between US citizens are among the biggest in the world. I think the reason is that both Americans and Japanese are not aware of their own class system. That may be one important similarities between them.

Meet enough people and you will come across those that don't know some of the things I listed. Maybe I've travelled too much and met too many people as a truck driver, I don't know. But more than a few Americans are pretty ignorant when it comes to foreign countries and products. Same as in Japan.

I am starting to see more and more similarities between Japan and the US. Of course, Japan was partially modelled on the US after WWII, but does that explain the generally poor common knowledge and world knowledge, and the narrow range of intellectual interests of both the average American and Japanese ? I would like to add the Australians in the list too. What is the similarity between these three countries ? They are isolated and have a strong sense of their own (national) identity.

We could also argue that they all have a pretty short history. In fact the history of the US and Australia is the same as that of Europe before the first colonists arrived (the natives had no writing system, so no history in the technical sense of the term). In the same way Japan only got its writing system in the 6th century AD (well over 1000 years after Europe and over 3000 years after the Egypt or Babylon). But what makes me consider that Japan has a relatively "new country" is the fact that the concept of Modern Japan as a nation only came with Meiji - before each region felt as different countries, with their own dialects. In contrast the US defined itslef as a nation in the modern sense 100 years earlier.

[mimichan17]

I challenge anyone to ask your average American to point out Japan on a blank map and more than two thirds will be unable to do so. Granted not ALL americans feel or think the way I replied above, but quite a few of them, and I do mean the younger ones do.

That is NOT true. In all honesty, I have to say that elderly americans are far more ignorant to japanese and all it has to offer.

Example:
My grandfather is 56, and believes that japanese STOLE american technology to make cars, and that toyota is american. He's not stupid, just uneducated. But, ask anyone in my highschool, and they know japanese are advanced. Sorry, but whatever kids you've talked to must be "special".

I didn't start getting interested in japanese seriously until this year, but I knew that pokemon was japanese, as well as my beloved cup ramen. I have known it since pokemon came out on WB(Warner Bros. channel), and I was only... oh, 10 or so back then.

[ragedaddy]

That's not true. It's impossible not to be exposed to Western culture everyday in Japan. Most movies at the theatre and many movies and series on TV are Western (while there are virtually no Japanese or Asian movies showing in Western countries). There are so many Westerners in Tokyo that it is impossible to take the subway without seeing one. Then with tens of thousands of NOVA, AEON, GEOS and other language schools where teachers are all native speakers (so foreigners), and millions of Japanese attending these classes (even if just a few times), there is a much higher chance that the average Japanese has already met, talked to or at least observed Westerners on TV many times, rather than the average Westerner having met a Japanese (except those living near very touristical spots).

First, the exposure that A japanese person gets from a Western Movie or TV program would not tell them much at all about Western culture. In fact, these would create many more stereotypes and generalizations due to the fact that these movies and shows don't even come close to accurately portraying the West. Now that I think about it, no wonder some Japanese people ask Americans if they all carry guns, because you can see it in several movies guns, violence, drugs. How are they to know that this isn't all hyped up and is not the typical scenario in the West. It would be absolutely foolish to say that the Japanese can get a good sense of Western culture from these shows.

You think that seeing foreigners on the street and in subways tell a Japanese person anything about who that person is, or what there culture is like? Even the English teachers at NOVA or where ever they go through the lesson, and that's about it. They don't focus all their lessons on the Western culture. The only way that you are going to learn about the Western culture from these people is to sit down with them and have an in depth chat about it.

These are fake excuses. I know many Japanese people who have lived in Western countries and still ask such dumb questions. Even the Japanese who were introduced to me by a Western friend (and thus having at least one Western friend) still ask these routine questions. Maybe its' just a custom of greeting foreigners in Japan to ask them if they can eat natto or sushi and if they can, try to ask for other kind of food until there is one sort of Japanese food the foreigner cannot eat. But I can feel that they want to be unique and want the "foreigner" to appear inferior for not being able to do such simple everyday things as eating such or such food, using chopsticks or reading kanji (when in fact many Japanese are not very proficient themselves).

These are not necessarily fake excuses, because I have met people who do not know much about the Western culture, nor have that much interest in such a thing. What ever happened to the golden rule "There aren't any stupid questions." If you have no idea about a subject and you are inquisitive about it, then by all means the person should ask. At times I get frustrated with the stuff myself, but then I have to tell myself they really want to know, so I better clarify what they are asking.

[Maciamo]

First, the exposure that A japanese person gets from a Western Movie or TV program would not tell them much at all about Western culture. In fact, these would create many more stereotypes and generalizations due to the fact that these movies and shows don't even come close to accurately portraying the West. Now that I think about it, no wonder some Japanese people ask Americans if they all carry guns, because you can see it in several movies guns, violence, drugs.

Hey, adults are big enough to discern between fictional action movies and fanastic ones like Harry Potter, or those actually depicting real life like many romance or "true stories" do. Do you believe that all Japanese are samurai because you watch a Kurosawa movie ?

You think that seeing foreigners on the street and in subways tell a Japanese person anything about who that person is, or what there culture is like?

Observing people is a good start. Certainly better than never have seen a foreigner before. There are also higher chances of interaction, like asking one's way, etc. Small things, but that counts.

Even the English teachers at NOVA or where ever they go through the lesson, and that's about it. They don't focus all their lessons on the Western culture. The only way that you are going to learn about the Western culture from these people is to sit down with them and have an in depth chat about it.

Almost all my English lessons include telling my students about Western (well at least one particular country)'s culture, making comparison with Japan, or just explain the difference of system, lifetsyle, mentality or whatever. How can you teach a language without teaching the culture where it comes from with it ?

What ever happened to the golden rule "There aren't any stupid questions."

Whose golden rule is that ? I mean, from time to time it's ok, but when 9 people out of 10 that you meet ask you almost only stupid questions all the time (I have had such days in Japan, although not everyday of course), there is a limit to one's patience.

If you have no idea about a subject and you are inquisitive about it, then by all means the person should ask.

Do you sincerely believe that the vast majoriy of the Japanese do not know that European countries have four seasons, that McDonald and Disney are American, or that we have New Year greetings card in Western countries too (because it originated there) ? And what does difference does it make whether I (one particular foreigner, maybe completely different from the others) can eat this or that food or not, that it is such a ritual question ?

[Vinylhoer]

Hey, adults are big enough to discern between fictional action movies and fanastic ones like Harry Potter, or those actually depicting real life like many romance or "true stories" do. Do you believe that all Japanese are samurai because you watch a Kurosawa movie ??

I think it isn't always easy to discern between fiction and reality in films. There are of course some obvious things (like the samurai thing you mention), but usually the things where the wrong ideas originate are the little details. That could for instance be a subtle 'joke' in an American film of which only Americans will know it is a 'joke'. Foreigners might take this seriously and a wrong image is created.

I think every country has it's own customs and the people are aware of that. If I notice a foreigner eating some typically Dutch food that's, usually a nice way to start a conversation with that person. So maybe those dumb questions are just used by Japanese people as an opening to start a conversation. Maybe they already know that you have McDonalds in America, but if that's one of the few things they know about America that might be the only opening they have to start a conversation.

[Maciamo]

I think every country has it's own customs and the people are aware of that. If I notice a foreigner eating some typically Dutch food that's, usually a nice way to start a conversation with that person. So maybe those dumb questions are just used by Japanese people as an opening to start a conversation. Maybe they already know that you have McDonalds in America, but if that's one of the few things they know about America that might be the only opening they have to start a conversation.

Except if the "foreigner" they address is not American ! Unfortunately, some Japanese (I'd say 10 to 20%) tend to assume that any Westerner is American. Some people in the street (especially in rural areas) just shout "hey America !" when they see a Westerner. But the worse is that many Japanese still don't make the difference even when they know that the person they are talking to is NOT American. How many times have I not been asked "Do you have this in America ?" or "How would Americans do ?", when the speakers knew very well I was not American. Sometimes I gets so much on my nerves that I just reply to my Japanese interlocutor "well, who do you Chinese do ?". I was perticularily shocked that some Japanese I had known for 2 years (and met regularily) would still consider me as an American. Then you have those who say "what about America ?", then realise their mistake and say "well, I mean in Europe".

[den4]

tons of 7-11 on the west coast...
I don't know about Europe, but I believe that the Japanese folks that ask the "stupid" questions would not do so if it was in their native language...ok...most of the people...and even the bright intelligent ones I believe have this severe "complex" when it comes to dealing with the "gaijin" that even though in more calm rational times they would not behave that way, when it comes to dealing with foreigners, their "complex" that is typified by a past NOVA commercial of having all of the nihonjin turning into "rocks" when confronted by a foreigner explains the rather irrational nature of the questions.
The reason I say this, and for those that know me here know that I know nothing so probably shouldn't stick my neck out with this explanation, but from my own personal observations, I often wondered why the Japanese ask these dumb-*** questions when it comes to foreigners...whether it was based on prejudice, racism, or just out and out irrational "gaijin complex" that makes one person behave ultra extroverted around foreigners and another to clam up tighter than the shellfish...

The advantage (or disadvantage) I had to learn some of this is that because all of my ancestors came from the land of the rising Engrish, the one thing they always told me when they found out I was amelikajin was that I look like a Japanese, so they weren't intimidated by my appearance. This, of course, had the negative side-effect that many times people thought I was a complete idiot when I didn't understand what one of them was saying to me. But one learns to live with one's handicaps...
In the ideal world, I agree that the Japanese would do better if they stopped looking upon foreigners with awe or shock-horror...but since that ain't gonna happen any time soon, it's probably best to just "accept" the fact that in the long run, you aren't going to change their ideas or views of foreigners...the only thing you can change is how they perceive you...and also how you perceive them...and also how you perceive how they perceive you...
Since you're practically a native speaker there, it goes without saying that you know the history and the current trends probably better than I would, (alternatively, if you are not practically a native speaker, then get into practice so you can be! ),but the one thing I did learn in Japan was that nobody forced us to go there or live there or put up with the nightmares or joys that one can find there, so if the complaints become too unbearable, then it naturally goes that nobody is forcing anybody to stay there, either...but it is obvious that you find the stay there far outweighs the negatives, so that is why you stay...and that should be reason enough to also just learn to accept things for what they are, and if you have the ability to change one or two people to get out of their gaijin complex, then that should be the goal, rather than stressing out on why the people ask the stupid questions....
It is very easy to focus on the negative aspects of living in Japan...but the challenge is how are you going to break that cycle of stupid question asking or their clamming up when they encounter you? Or your own frustrations with their constantly saying, "Gee you use that chopstick very well..."
Be proactive....the next time somebody says that to you, find an opportunity when they are using a spoon or a knife and fork at an elegant spaghetti restaurant, and smile, kindly and say, "Gee, Sato-san (or whomever it happens to be) you really use that fork very well..."
It's really all about perception...and how one perceives others perceiving us...and how well you take advantage of that perception to better your own situation...or not...
This has been a generalized statement not directed at any one person but to everybody or nobody as you wish to perceive it...

[Maciamo]

I don't know about Europe, but I believe that the Japanese folks that ask the "stupid" questions would not do so if it was in their native language...

So how comes I am asked the same questions in Japanese, and even by people I have known for some time (who may ask again and again, several kind of strange questions) and who visibly feel comfortable with me ?

Regarding the "4 seasons" question, my wife said that they were taught at school that Japan was almost unique for having 4 seasons. I just can't believe it. I was taught that countries with temperate climates, like in Europe, most of North America and North-East Asia, Argentina, Chile, Southern Australia, N-Z, etc. have 4 seasons. But I understand the educational gap when I was told that not everybody in Japan has geography classes at school if they don't choose it as an option. In comparison, everyone in most European countries and regions have 6 years of compulsory geography/geology/geopolitics (and history) classes. Maybe that is the only reason why there is such a gap of "common knowledge". On this point of view, the US and Japan are quite similar, but Japan's case is even worse, whatever they say about Japan having a harder education system than the US.

Additionally, as I said I find some questions or remarks insulting (the chopsticks or "nihongo jozu desu ne" said apparently only to beginners who mix all their words up). Today, there was a TV programme about the Korean community in Tokyo. They went to a Korean grocery shop with the camera, and when the Korean owner (probably Japan-born) said "konnichiwa" the Tv staff replied "oh nihongo kozu desu ne !". The poor guy had just said "hello", so how could they know ? What's more it's not the kind of things they should say to long-term resident (as he was, as a business owner), who could very welll have been born and raised in Japan like so many other Koreans. I find this utterly insulting and condescending from the Japanese. Just because he is a foreigner the Japanese presuppose that he can't speak Japanese (well). The fact that this happened on TV (and not the only time) shows how the Japanese do not mind being patronizing with foreigners. And as the guy looked Japanese and lived in Japan, it wasn't even because of any gaijin-complex or whatever.

[den4]

So how comes I am asked the same questions in Japanese, and even by people I have known for some time (who may ask again and again, several kind of strange questions) and who visibly feel comfortable with me ?

There are no doubt some people that may appear visibly comfortable with the foreigner, such as yourself, but are you really sure about that? Have you ever asked the person to consider what they are saying? Well, chances are that you have done so, and if your comments are of any indications, the answers you received weren't satisfactory, yes? Perhaps if you reversed the trend by asking them bizarre questions might job some reactions, but then chances are you'd only get referred to as the weird gaijin, so that may not work either. I suppose it's best to find the nihonjin that are on the same level as you are, conversationally, and ignore the others except for basic salutations....
Chances are good, however, that the persons in question you are referring to have never really considered what their questions indicate, if they are weird, strange, offensive or whatever...it might be good to inform them of this, if you have a mind to do so...but then, depending on the person, it could also be a waste of time.....I've dealt with folks here, in the Great US of A who when dealing with things they are familiar with can talk on an even keel, but try to explain something they are not familiar with, they also begin asking or commenting in a rather naive way...but to each their own....I do get annoyed when I still meet people who think that Japanese people all are geishas and samurais and can't figure out how they make them Toyotas and Nissans....
But then, the reverse is true, when I get asked by the Japanese if folks in the backwater state of Oregon still have cowboy and Indian wars...
otagaisama desu

[Pachipro]

....their "complex" that is typified by a past NOVA commercial of having all of the nihonjin turning into "rocks" when confronted by a foreigner explains the rather irrational nature of the questions.

This further exacerbates the problem foreigners are having in Japan when a Japanese company like NOVA, uses to their advantage, that national complex to increase their student population. This doesn't help as, 30 years later, nothing has changed and, at this pace, I'll be long gone if it does. The only good thing is that there will always be employment for English teachers in Japan.

It is very easy to focus on the negative aspects of living in Japan...but the challenge is how are you going to break that cycle of stupid question asking or their clamming up when they encounter you? Or your own frustrations with their constantly saying, "Gee you use that chopstick very well..."

Each foreigner living in Japan will have to come to grips with this on their own, in their own way. I've seen it eat up some foreigners to the point of them having to leave the country because they couldn't cope with the difference in culture and attitude.

I've said this before and I'll say it again, don't get me wrong here, I was just as annoyed during my early years in Japan as some of you to the point of wanting to scream at the top of my lungs, "What? Are you all a bunch of idiots! Are we all nothing but talking dogs to you people, here for your amusement?" But I learned to study, observe, and learn from the Japanese people and culture and why they acted in this way. I asked many questions of the Japanese and learned why they think the way they do. Soon, my thinking slowly turned 180 degrees and it no longer irritated me as I learned that, no matter what, the Japanese are basically not prejudiced, xenophobic, or have an underlying dislike of all foreigners. They are just a curious island people who are being taught that they, their history, and their ways are unique to the rest of the world and any foreigner that adapts, or tries to adapt, is the most curious and unique of all. Answering "dumb" questions, I hope, helped set the record straight with those I came in contact with.

[Maciamo]

But I learned to study, observe, and learn from the Japanese people and culture and why they acted in this way. I asked many questions of the Japanese and learned why they think the way they do. Soon, my thinking slowly turned 180 degrees and it no longer irritated me as I learned that, no matter what, the Japanese are basically not prejudiced, xenophobic, or have an underlying dislike of all foreigners. They are just a curious island people who are being taught that they, their history, and their ways are unique to the rest of the world and any foreigner that adapts, or tries to adapt, is the most curious and unique of all.

I am not sure it makes me feel better to know that they are being taught (=lied to) that their country is unique about such things as having 4 seasons (when not all parts of Japan doesn't even have them). After all, by whom are they being taught ? By other Japanese, by tens of thousands of school teachers, by their parents or by society as a whole. So how do you distinguish the person who is taught and the one who teaches others ?

What I don't understand is how naive they can be in the first place to believe all that nonsense that is taught to them. Keeping with the example of the 4 seasons, how can they not know that Europe or most of North America has 4 seasons, when most Japanese know Vivaldi's 4 seasons (why would have it been named like that 300 years ago if the 4 seasons were unique to Japan ?) or don't they see in Western movies or in the news on TV that it is cold and snowing in winter and that people go skiing (not a Japanese invention!), but that all the flowers forcedly bloom again in spring and that people are in t-shirt in summer and go to the beach. Don't they see like in their own JTB travel agencies that there are "autumn leaves" (koyo) tours in Canada, New England, Norway, etc. Don't they know there are cherry trees outside Japan, when they mostly eat imported American cherries, and eat German cakes like "Black Forest" with German black cherries ? I may still forgive them for not knowing that Northern Europe has more distinct seasons than Japan because of its higher latitude, and that summer days are much longer (like 17h of daylight) and winter days much shorter (about 7h of daylight).

[ArmandV]

As irritated some of us may get over repeated questions from the Japanese population, they may get as equally irritated by some inane questions some of us foreigners may ask of them.

After my first trip, people back home kept asking, "Did you sleep on the floor?" My stock answer was, "No, I slept on a futon." Inane questions from fellow countrymen may be just as irritating to us. Some people never bother to leave their fishbowls to experience other countries and their cultures for themselves as many of us had. I guess it is part of our cross to bear as world travelers.

[Pachipro]

You are quite correct ArmandV as I tried to explain in a previous post. I agree with you in that, like you, I prefer to make the world my backyard while others prefer to make their world their back yard. I think I read that somewhere once.

[ArmandV]

I prefer to make the world my backyard while others prefer to make their world their back yard.

Thanks! I'll have to remember this one!

[Maciamo]

As irritated some of us may get over repeated questions from the Japanese population, they may get as equally irritated by some inane questions some of us foreigners may ask of them.

After my first trip, people back home kept asking, "Did you sleep on the floor?" My stock answer was, "No, I slept on a futon." Inane questions from fellow countrymen may be just as irritating to us. Some people never bother to leave their fishbowls to experience other countries and their cultures for themselves as many of us had. I guess it is part of our cross to bear as world travelers.

This may be due to the fact that you are from the States. I went back home this January and met about 20 relatives and friends I hadn't seen for 4 or 5 years (before I came to Japan), and not a single one of them, not even the children or the elderly, asked me a stupid question. They asked how was life in Japan, what I did there, or asked me to explain about the writing system, etc. But no questions related to samurai, geisha, sleeping on the floor, and not even a single question about food I think (and certainly no stupid questions to my wife about her ability to eat European food).

[den4]

This may be due to the fact that you are from the States. I went back home this January and met about 20 relatives and friends I hadn't seen for 4 or 5 years (before I came to Japan), and not a single one of them, not even the children or the elderly, asked me a stupid question. They asked how was life in Japan, what I did there, or asked me to explain about the writing system, etc. But no questions related to samurai, geisha, sleeping on the floor, and not even a single question about food I think (and certainly no stupid questions to my wife about her ability to eat European food).

Consider yourself a fortunate person to have family and friends that are as enlightened as they are (at least from the way you describe them)...alternatively, if things continue to trouble you there in grand ol' Nippon, then it sounds like you need another vacation away from the land of the rising engrish, so you can weigh the benefits or penalties of living there...

Having said that, there have been many times when the Japanese folks I talked with also wonder why they need to explain everything to us foreigners. If we understand the language as well as we think we do, then, they ask, why do we need to ask them to explain the reasons for why the things are the way they are...can't we just figure it out by the nuance of the way things are spoken? I have heard their frustration over this as well...that we tend to think too much in binary that we forget there are other ways of thinking about things that we may not be used to, or completely ignore, because we have become so set in our ways...

An example is the word Kan that I hear many times, referring to that elusive "intuition" that is so prevalent in J-society...take two Japanese and if one of them is a bit out of sorts, without really expressing an explanation on how they are feeling, they can "nantonaku" figure out that something is up...even though the reason for their condition or situation or feelings are not verbally expressed in any way that be explainable in a word or two in English...

While I do agree that there are many people that do ask stupid questions, I still feel that this comes from that innate combination of unprepared awkwardness and the ultra wanting to avoid embarrassment plus irrational panic mode thinking that most Japanese people tend to have when dealing with people that speak in English...this may also be true with other languages...but I think English is the major culprit...

Perhaps it is time for you to try an experiment...in the great tradition of Eddie Murphy and make-up for films like "Black like Me," or in Eddie Murphy's parody, for Saturday Night Live's "White like me..." perhaps it is time for you to try and fathom what life is like for a Japanese person by becoming one...you obviously have the linguistics down, so all you need is the proper make-up and some coaching from your friends and Japanese peers, and see what it is like to be Japanese...and see if you can gain some inner insights into what Japan is like from the Japanese perspective, and see for yourself how the typical Japanese person is treated vs. say the foreigner...You'll have to set aside your western logical thinking style, as well, if you intend to blend in with the surroundings...but perhaps this will be the only way you can get some first hand information on things that continue to trouble you there...

it is merely an idea...

[jt_]

An example is the word Kan that I hear many times, referring to that elusive "intuition" that is so prevalent in J-society...take two Japanese and if one of them is a bit out of sorts, without really expressing an explanation on how they are feeling, they can "nantonaku" figure out that something is up...even though the reason for their condition or situation or feelings are not verbally expressed in any way that be explainable in a word or two in English...

This is a really fascinating discussion which unfortunately I don't have enough time to comment fully on, but for now I just want to say in reference to the above: I personally don't buy this idea that there's some mystical intuition that is possessed uniquely by the Japanese. I think this basically just comes from the fact that since many Japanese are taught (trained?) to keep certain feelings to themselves, trying to figure out how other people are feeling without being explicitly told becomes both a virtue and even a necessity.

On the other hand, someone from a culture where people are more open with their feelings will be accustomed to people telling them straight out how they're feeling, or when something is amiss, and therefore won't be consciously going around trying to "read" people and figure out what they're hiding (or at least not showing) all the time.

Also, the idea that there are feelings that can't be expressed in Japanese as directly as they could be in English for example is silly (I know this isn't necessarily exactly what you were saying, but I think there are some native Japanese speakers who might try to argue this) -- people may think this is so because they don't say these things, but of course it's possible to be explicit and direct in Japanese -- people just don't do it. It's cultural, not linguistic.

But anyway, I think the mystical Japanese intuition or "kan" is just basically a skill for "reading" people that's born out of the necessity of doing so in a society where people are hesitant (or to some extent, even taught/trained not to) speak their mind.